Tuesday, March 20, 2007

Where do I belong

Yesterday was a very frustrating day at work, Build a Bear. I was tired, as usual, probably from my San Diego visit ending just a few hours earlier. I get into the whole situation with 2 min to spare and get no info from the other manger even though I have been gone for 3 days.
I eventually made it onto the floor and the frustration immediately hit. that is definitely a sign that the day is not going to be a good one. I spent the rest of the evening basically not wanting to be there which is a new feeling for me at build a bear.
At most of my other stores I would love to be there. loved my team and loved what we did. i have gladly worked on every birthday I have had in the last 5 years and enjoyed it. I don't think this is gonna be the case this year.
I need to pray more and really get God involved in all that is happening. I hate being frustrated at work. I know he has me there for a reason but I almost want to just demote myself even more and not have to feel like I am sinking out of control at my current position, and be able to pretend I don't care, which even then would not be the case.
I hate feeling tired all the time. I hate keeping Brian up at all hours and I hate having to SCHEDULE time to be with those I love and care about.
I moved to be in the career I have dreamt about for 18 years and now I wonder if I was suppose to stay in San Diego. It seems that is where I enjoy myself and those I love are now there. Here I kept dreaming of coming home and now I wonder if I left it.